I have been reading "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis. One of those 4 loves, is affection. There were some memorable passages in the chapter about affection, so here is one that I hope does NOT relate to my life now or later.
He is explaining how some people give affection with the intent to 'be needed.' They may feel that they are giving unselfishly, but they want to feel needed, and often create the need to be needed.
"Mrs. Fidget very often said that she lived for her family. And it was not untrue. Everyone in the neighborhood knew it. "She lives for her family," they said; "what a wife and mother!" She did all the washing; true, she did it badly, and they could have afforded to send it out to a laundry, and they frequently begged her not to do it. But she did. There was always a hot lunch for anyone who was at home and always a hot meal at night (even in midsummer). They implored her not to provide this. They protested almost with tears in their eyes (and with truth) that they liked cold meals. It made no difference. She was living for her family. ... For Mrs. Fidget, as she so often said, would "work her fingers to the bone" for her family. They couldn't stop her. Nor could they--being decent people--quite sit still and watch her do it. They had to help. Indeed they were always having to help. That is, they did things for her to help her to do things for them which they didn't want done. ... But the proper aim of giving is to put the recipient in a state where he no longer needs our gift. We feed children in order that they may soon be able to feed themselves; we teach them in order that they may soon not need our teaching. Thus a heavy task is laid upon this Gift-love. It must work towards its own abdication. We must aim at making our selves superfluous. The hour when we can say "They need me no longer" should be our reward."
That was a long quote... but it reinforces how a mother should (or shouldn't) be towards her children... Truly selfless love and guidance so that someday they no longer need your help, although they still may need your love.
2 comments:
Great quote and great thoughts. :)
Isn't it interesting? It's a cycle...our parents did everything for us once and now we are doing it for our children hoping that they will also do the same thing for theirs with love like our parents did to us and like we are doing for them now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I have to say that C.S Lewis was an amazing writer and a deep thinker!
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